Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Kiwi Love and beyond!

Kia Ora all.

I have a little small thing to admit to you all. I am hopelessly in love with New Zealand, the country has captivated me and made love to my soul. Some times without Lube too!!!!
I left Queenstown and headed north via an internal flight to Auckland. I was due to start the kiwi North island bus the following morning early, so my intentions were to go to bed early. But as with travelling things never go to plan. I walked out of the hostel and who should I see but too Irish girlsd I met in Australia. Therefore a massive piss up ensued which didnt end til 6am. I was swaying atthe bus stop the following day.
Let the fun begin......
The North island was one of the best experiences that I have ever had the pleasure to have. Our bus instantly clicked and the first night was legandary as we drew a Hitler moustache on a sleeping unsurspecting German in our room. This ladies and gentleman was Johan!!!!!
Oh Johan we all love him, we have even made a fan club. What a chareter to meet. He was a German farmer and really Aryan. He fell asleep later on one day and we pummelled him with permanet marker all over his face and body. the words Bundesliga bosch, bosch, bosch were adormed with the words Hasselhoff and Hero all over his chest and face.
So lets start off from Auckland.
I stood at the bus stop with amaizingly blood shot eyes, they are so bloodshot infact that they still havnt gone down. I stood waiting for the kiwi bus swaying still tanked up with booze. Our first stop was a place called Hot water beach and thats where our bus started to gel and bond. This beach had the amaizing fact that if you buried your feet under the sand you found amaizingly hot water ther, hense the name. Then we went off to trek to Stingray bay and Cathedral beach with its immense sea caves. The first evening was when the fun bagan. As soon as we settled into our room this is where it all began. There was myself, Stewart from Glasgow, Johan Zee German farmer, Mike from Crawley, Pingpong from Manchester (His real name was Michael but he mentioned table tennis and the name stuck and rather suited tehe little fellow and lastly Nick from Amsterdam.
We instantly all were pissing ourselves with laughter as we drew on the German in bed and took the piss out of each other. From that point on our group was inseperabel and we loved it all. We were staying in mercury bay that evening and the hostel was run by a man named Ron wgho obvioulsy kept his daughetr hidden in a cage and poked her with sticks, all very odd. Two other German lads shared a double bed and this Ron chaps face was hilarous when he discovered this fact. The evening in Mercury bay was spent not surprisingly in the opub socialising wioth the bus. It wasnt a very full bus but we all got on so well and fun was had by all.
The next day we went to Talisman mines, these are old mines which are shut off and guess what. We without any torch or even a match went deep into the mines of Moria and kept jumping out on the girls who screamed and screamed. The only lights we had were from camera flashes. We even got bollocked bya park warden for bouncing the suspension bridge far too much, you should have seen the bugger move it was like a slingshot.
We even had time to stop that afternoon for a bite to eat in Hobbiton, or rather the town where Hobbiton was filmed!! Go hobbits!!
We arrived in Roturua and I decided to go Luging down the mountain. So a few of us got up tot eh tiop via the gondola and immediately I took the advanced track, bloody hell these luges go so fast that I had sparks coming from my wheesl. How I didnt crash I will never know, great fun. Then along with two girls Naivashs and Vicky from our bus we went on the sky swing, which is like a massive catapult!
Not long after and soon we were all heading off to the Tamki Maori cultural village and show. A bit of sanitised tourism for us all. Well on the bus over the driver whom of course was Maori asked the entire bus who should be the Chief of our Wocha (boat), guess who got nominated?? Yes you have guessed it me. I was hoping to do the Haha but had the stand with 3 other cheiefs whom all were blody whooping Yanks (you know the ones who you would just love to smack in the much). Well we had to stand there after commanding our bus/boat by giving Maori commands of 'Te Wocha hue' while the Maori warriors intimitaded us by dancing in front of us waving their sticks and poking their tongues out. I was told 'dont laugh, or immitate as it is really offensive'.
As the chief I had a few responsibilities and alo got to choose my table and eat first. We then were shiown the Haka and a few dances and got to explore the traditional Pa (fortified village). Adter wards I was presented with a bone carved necklace and a chiefs wooden carved pandant.
Well I thought the fun was all over for me now, but oh no. On the bus home I had to sing out loud in front of everyone. So Common people was belted out to all with the Germans looking on in horror!!!!
That evening was spent dodging Japanese tag a,long who wore masks as they had colds in the Lava bar!!!! Once again my liver took a bashing!
The next day we were due to leave Roturua and head to Waitomo, but before hand we went to the Maori Te Puia cultural centre and learnt about their gods and mythology. We also saw the Roturua bobbling mud pools and natural spa.
The next stop was the small village of Waitomo. This is where we were to do black water rafting, for those not in the know, black water rafting is caving and tubing down rivers underground in glwoworm caves. Although there is no such thing as a glow worm. They are glowing maggots that fuck to death, and I am not kidding. But glowwrom sounds nicer for the old people. We abseiled underground into the freezing waters. It was bloody brilliant, I have caved at home but this was more extreme. 10 meter free falls into the icy water in the pitch black and also elles as big as my thigh swimming past and occasionally taking a nip at you. There was a zip line and the water was bloody freezing, the cold was penetrating. It was great fun and our little group always stopped to have water fights and piss in our wetsuits to warm up.
That evening was spent at the hostel drinking beers, when suddenyl a Jack Russell ran into the room!!!!!! Later on the very same dog got in soemhow and jumped into bed with Mike. The evening we acted like little school kids and kept locking people out of their rooms in their pants and we also drew on this guy who had the shittest beard I have ever seen, it was just under his chin so while he slept I drew where his moustache failed to grow!!! Everytime we saw him after that we abused him something crionic.
Then as we left sleepy Waitomo we discovered the weirdest place in the world. A rabbit shearing shop. It was either quite amusing or disturbing I cant decide which. Well basically they get this massive white uber fluffy rabbit and put its arms and legs in clamps and stretch the little thing out. Then they shave it. The poor thing is terrified, but the old ladies doign it are rather sadistic!! I couldnt help myself but laugh out loud and question the lady abiout whether the rabbit was the one from Monty Pythin and the Holy Grail!!!! Oh the scowl I got!!!
Next stop Lake Taupo. But this is where the weather took a turn for the worst! The heavens opened and the rain pummelled us. Therefore the next days activities were cancelled except the skydives, but I had done one of them 5 years ago inAustralia so did want to do another. But I dod want to do the Tongoriro crossing accross the volcanic l;andscape. But the winds were too high so the buses there were not running!!!
On the way to Taupo we stopped by Huka falls and then proceeded to have a massive night out. We could go all out no stops tonight as we had the rarety of a free day to sleep in tomorrow.
So off we went to get drunken, then I was attacked!! Yep I was jumped by some drunk. But this drunk jumped me in the hostel and guess what, he bloody worked there!!!!! The staff came running out as he had his hand around my fist and Zee German Johan came wading in. Oh how apologetic they were. I still dont have a clue why he attacked me, but I think it was because I was the smallest target as I was waling with the bigger lads!!!!! Anyway tio butter me up and Johan (my hero) we got free beers all night the next day. But then they went back on their promise as we were and I quote' drinking far to much for them to be able to supply us'!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway no harm was done and we spent a qualtiy evening out in Lake Taupo.
The next day 3 of us decided to hire mountain bikers and bike it back up to Huka falls using the dirts tarcks and try to amke it to the craters of the moon. We also encountered many hot springs and went for a little dip! On the way back Taupo and its majestic lake was immersed in the biggest rainbow I had ever seen.
We left Taupo and travelled off road to River valley. Here we stayed in some wooden lodge and got hammrede. That nigth jo one was safe as I had found a permanetn maker and I also got attacked by a cat that evening. We were all staying in these massive beds and so bundles galore ensude and when in the morning most people woke up and I had drawn massive mounsahces on them or given them Maori pattersn on their faces!!! Oh how drunk we were. Oh as we jumped from the top bunks onto the floor the glasses int he bar beneath fell and smashed, I think we broke the world glass smashing record!
The next day I though I was gouing to die of hyperthermia. This was because the six of us plus Dave from leeds went white water rafting. Oh the water was like ice needles penetrating your skin, when your head got ducked under it felt like the ice cream and slush puppy brain freezes you get when eating or drinking them too fast.
We hurtled down this river and everyone fell in, well everyone bar me, although Johan went beserk and bundled me in 3 times and I was shaking for an hours aftre. There were two rafts and many a time we had to suddely fish soemone out before we hurled downt he rapids with the dead cows who had fallen fromt he hill side as they loked at this strange new thing calleda raft going by!!!! I have never been so cold ina ll my life, but I loved it so much. it was great fun. I spent at least an hour in the shower waiting dfor my willy to get back to normal size!!!!!
Then on to Wellington and this would be our last night out as a group. I will miss the bus, they are going to have so much fun and travel down south and do all which I have done. Oh I wish I was with that grioup from the start. I felt like crying on our last night out as we took the Capital city by storm.
The next morning as I waved them off I suddenyl got the last laughon Johan who in the night chucked a cold water bucket all over me in bed!!! I stood wavign a I love you Johan sign which I made using an old towel!!!
It was such a shame that we are all splitting up and I can hoenstly say it was one of the saddest momenst I have had while tarvelling as I stood there watchign their bus dissapear towards the inter island ferry. But hey, we are all going to have reunions one day!!!
Then I left Wellington by plane in the win ds and spent 45 minutes flying down to Christchurch, oh boring, boring Christchurch.
This is where I sit now typing this. Tomorrow it is back to Oz and then I have just 13 days left til I return home.
Home, what is home. It feels so long ago. But I look forward to seeing my family and friends. It is going to be an even bigger adventure than any of my tarvels. Tnhis new adventure is all grown up and called jobs and real life. f%$k me what am ever I to do!!!!!!!!!
As I worry about the future I will leave you all for now. I am off to Miss my bus and pine for Johan!!!!!!!

Cheerio all, for soon I may be seeing you in the flesh!

Hai konei rā ki nga whaiāipo katoa, he tino roa pea te wā e ngaro atu ana mātau. (Translate that!)


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