Homeward bound with a tear in my eye!

A tear was in my eye as I boarded the plane and headed back to Australia. I missed my bus and all the people from the kiwi experience who would carry on without me as I fly back to Melbourne.
I landed and through the chilly winds I caught a tram down to the delightful area of St. Kilda. This would be my base to explore the fusion of Camden and Brighton which makes up the capital of Victoria and host of the last commonwelth games.
Melbounre has a charm to it that I cant quite describe, its cosmopolitan yet Bohemian at the same time, with areas that make me giggle with delight such as Brunswick, St. Kilda and along the Yarra river.
My first night would be an eventful one. I met at the hostel soem girls whom I e in New Zealand and we proceeded to get drunky at the casino. I even managed to get some free drinks when the bar lady refused to serve me. She sais taht I couldnt be served as I am too drunk and was sawying. I then went off on one 'How dare you I have a plastic hip from a car accident, you are discriminating against people with disabilities. I cant stand on that leg for elongated periods of time and have to adjust my weight accordingly from leg to leg, hense the swaying look'. She was ever so apologetic and I got free champagne!!!!!! he he the mug!!!
I spent a few days exploring with some random people I met int he hostel the delights that Melbourne has to offer. I went to the grim and cold Old Melbourne Gaol. This is where Ned Kelly the famous Australian folk hero and bush ranger was hung. I saw hsi death mask and explored until the peace was disrupted by a bleedin'school party!
I wandered around the MCG and took in the singing bridge that leads down to it constructed to commemorate the commonwealth games last year. I also took in the modern art that adorn the city and make it have this charm that seems to seep from every pour.
But the best thing by far was meeting the living legend that is Dr. karl Kennedy from neighbours. There in St .Kilda is a pub called the Elephant and Wheelbarrow. This small pub hosts neigbopurs neights with come and meet the stars as its attraction. But the main attraction is the fact that the good old doctor and his band perfom at the end of the evening.
I met the lethcerous doctor and he hugged me!! I wasnt going to go as I thought it was a bit gimpy but soem of the girls in the hostel persuaded me, so I subsequently was the only bloke at our table. That made me smile boradly and giggle a lot, oh ladies come to papa!!
Anyway I met libby and she hugged me and was a right old slut!! Oh yes her embrace was full of filth and she wanted me, oh I could tell it by the lustfull look in her eyes, or was that beacuse I was pissed as a fart by the time she came round. I also met soem of the bloke stars but didnt really give a monkeys about them, they didnt have longing eyes for me to stare into!!
The band was ok, but Karl was to be funny as a crooner. Hunreds of people swarmed him afterwards and these big bouncers had to pull them off, I was meanwhile content at the bar talkingto an Australian girl who I was confused to see there as it was full of British and Irish. It afterall was a very good night and to say I touched Dr. Karl and Libby is a pleasure!!!!!
At the evning we hadto dance for soem compeition and I walong with a girl called Carly won a free cruise down the Yarra river. But when we rocked up for it, it was the shitest cruise I have ever been on and the guide and captain was useless for information and had no skill in talking out loud, I am glad I won it as I would never had paid for it!
I also took in the magestic MCG and went for lots of walks in and around melbourne.
I was staying in St. Kilda which is a beach suburb of the city, it has a long old poer that I walked down when it was totally encased in a danse fog. It made the whole experience very spooky. But I was staying ina hostel called Base backpackers. They have a fe gimmicks on in their bar. On a Thursday it is ladies night. It is advertised as free champagne (Cava and then when that run out Bucks fizz) to all ladies, also free champagne to anyone dressde as a lady. So me and afew lads all raided the gilrs clothing bins and looked a combination of crackwhore, junkies sluts!
But for free booze all night I was smiling, the troble is that we all go so drunk we did a Stan Collymore and set the fire extinguisher off and sprayed a lot of people, but the best part was, we got away with it!!!!!
Melbourne is also a thriving sports city. There are AFL teams galore such as: Collingwood, Carlton, St. Kilda and many more. So what true Australian sport should I go and see? Yes Rygby, but I fell asleep on the tram and woke up an hour past my stop so never got to see a league game. Instead I contented myself with a pre season friendly seeing the Melbourne Victory (A league champions) play Oakleigh Cannons. I missed a goal as I was in the loo and missed anotehr one when in the beer queue!! Melbounre played a full strength team complete with international record holder for gioals in a match (13 against American Samoa when the Aussies won 31-0) Archie Thompson, there was also a Chelsea reject on the pitch and the old hardman of Millwall and Wolves, the filthy Kevin Muscatt on the field!!
But the time came for me to bid faewell to Melbourne and head by a cramped greh=yhound bus back to Sydney to await my flight home. The time is near I face the final curtain. I am almost home, I feel sad but also very scared to come home. I will for once have to stop being a little boy and be a grown up, but that is hard for Peter Pan to achieve, I know I want to travel more and feel that I have another vo,unteer placement in Africa or Asia in me, bescides I havnt seen South America or India yet.
I waved goodbye to the friends I had made in Melbourne and got the tram ppast the ugly demonic clowns face that is the entrance to Luna park, the face seemed to mocvk me!
Luckily on the bus was a girl from my hostel so we chatted throughout the nifght journey, sleep was impossible as we were being driven by Lewis Hamiltona dn the bus cornered with fury!
We arrived in Sydney and booked into a hostl called wake up, apprantly it won 2005 best hostel in the world award!!!! oooohh!!!
So you have just rocked up into Sydney what should you do. Yes yopu have guessed it, go and see the Dalai Lama talk about happiness and life in the Domain for free. His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama is on an Australian tour and he is spreading the words of peace and love along the way. It was also free entry so I went along to hear his words in the rain.
He has a wicked sence of humour and many people collapsed around me and had to be carried out withh tears of joy streaming from their eyes!
I was glad that I have had the priviledge to see the Dalai Lama in person and hear his words about smiling to make people happy and living life with love. They hit home and he is quite a charecter. He even cracks jokes about going to nightclubs and why are all you Australians here to hear me speak? 'We are not giving away free beer'!
I spent the rest of the day milling about Sydney and poncing about down by the rocks in Sydney Harbout, then that evening as I was walking out of the shower going to my dorm room who shioudl I see? Well I bumped into a loads from my first Kiwi experience bus down in the south island, tehrefore a massive piss up ensued and it lasted well into the late hours as we drank many a jagerbomb and random fruity cocktails, all washed down by Tooheys new!
The next day I actually watched my bungy DVD. Ha ha I iggled so much because the soundtrack to me jumping is Gary Glitter, ooh a bit of bad taste misses!
The next day.........
The time has finally come to say goodbye to my travels for now. I know deep down this wont be my last lot of travels. I have so much more in me and I will never give up on seeing every inch of the world I can.
But now is time for me to look to the future and not remiiniss about all my travels, adventures and fun I have had. For I know coming home is anoter adventure too.
My last days in Sydney were spent wilt old friends and also meeting new ones and also ona aerrand to collect things for people at home who left stuff in Oz.
So I was busy and it was eventful.
Tonight is my last night and no doubt soemthing will happen.
I leave with a tear in my eye as I have fallen in love with New Zealand and all the rest, I leave behind my bus who now will have been in Queenstown for a while. I leave behind places where memories were created, but will retain them forever.
So for the last time in my travesl I email you all.
Wherever you are take care and enjoy what the world has to offer.

Sweet as Bro!!!!

Kiwi Love and beyond!

Kia Ora all.

I have a little small thing to admit to you all. I am hopelessly in love with New Zealand, the country has captivated me and made love to my soul. Some times without Lube too!!!!
I left Queenstown and headed north via an internal flight to Auckland. I was due to start the kiwi North island bus the following morning early, so my intentions were to go to bed early. But as with travelling things never go to plan. I walked out of the hostel and who should I see but too Irish girlsd I met in Australia. Therefore a massive piss up ensued which didnt end til 6am. I was swaying atthe bus stop the following day.
Let the fun begin......
The North island was one of the best experiences that I have ever had the pleasure to have. Our bus instantly clicked and the first night was legandary as we drew a Hitler moustache on a sleeping unsurspecting German in our room. This ladies and gentleman was Johan!!!!!
Oh Johan we all love him, we have even made a fan club. What a chareter to meet. He was a German farmer and really Aryan. He fell asleep later on one day and we pummelled him with permanet marker all over his face and body. the words Bundesliga bosch, bosch, bosch were adormed with the words Hasselhoff and Hero all over his chest and face.
So lets start off from Auckland.
I stood at the bus stop with amaizingly blood shot eyes, they are so bloodshot infact that they still havnt gone down. I stood waiting for the kiwi bus swaying still tanked up with booze. Our first stop was a place called Hot water beach and thats where our bus started to gel and bond. This beach had the amaizing fact that if you buried your feet under the sand you found amaizingly hot water ther, hense the name. Then we went off to trek to Stingray bay and Cathedral beach with its immense sea caves. The first evening was when the fun bagan. As soon as we settled into our room this is where it all began. There was myself, Stewart from Glasgow, Johan Zee German farmer, Mike from Crawley, Pingpong from Manchester (His real name was Michael but he mentioned table tennis and the name stuck and rather suited tehe little fellow and lastly Nick from Amsterdam.
We instantly all were pissing ourselves with laughter as we drew on the German in bed and took the piss out of each other. From that point on our group was inseperabel and we loved it all. We were staying in mercury bay that evening and the hostel was run by a man named Ron wgho obvioulsy kept his daughetr hidden in a cage and poked her with sticks, all very odd. Two other German lads shared a double bed and this Ron chaps face was hilarous when he discovered this fact. The evening in Mercury bay was spent not surprisingly in the opub socialising wioth the bus. It wasnt a very full bus but we all got on so well and fun was had by all.
The next day we went to Talisman mines, these are old mines which are shut off and guess what. We without any torch or even a match went deep into the mines of Moria and kept jumping out on the girls who screamed and screamed. The only lights we had were from camera flashes. We even got bollocked bya park warden for bouncing the suspension bridge far too much, you should have seen the bugger move it was like a slingshot.
We even had time to stop that afternoon for a bite to eat in Hobbiton, or rather the town where Hobbiton was filmed!! Go hobbits!!
We arrived in Roturua and I decided to go Luging down the mountain. So a few of us got up tot eh tiop via the gondola and immediately I took the advanced track, bloody hell these luges go so fast that I had sparks coming from my wheesl. How I didnt crash I will never know, great fun. Then along with two girls Naivashs and Vicky from our bus we went on the sky swing, which is like a massive catapult!
Not long after and soon we were all heading off to the Tamki Maori cultural village and show. A bit of sanitised tourism for us all. Well on the bus over the driver whom of course was Maori asked the entire bus who should be the Chief of our Wocha (boat), guess who got nominated?? Yes you have guessed it me. I was hoping to do the Haha but had the stand with 3 other cheiefs whom all were blody whooping Yanks (you know the ones who you would just love to smack in the much). Well we had to stand there after commanding our bus/boat by giving Maori commands of 'Te Wocha hue' while the Maori warriors intimitaded us by dancing in front of us waving their sticks and poking their tongues out. I was told 'dont laugh, or immitate as it is really offensive'.
As the chief I had a few responsibilities and alo got to choose my table and eat first. We then were shiown the Haka and a few dances and got to explore the traditional Pa (fortified village). Adter wards I was presented with a bone carved necklace and a chiefs wooden carved pandant.
Well I thought the fun was all over for me now, but oh no. On the bus home I had to sing out loud in front of everyone. So Common people was belted out to all with the Germans looking on in horror!!!!
That evening was spent dodging Japanese tag a,long who wore masks as they had colds in the Lava bar!!!! Once again my liver took a bashing!
The next day we were due to leave Roturua and head to Waitomo, but before hand we went to the Maori Te Puia cultural centre and learnt about their gods and mythology. We also saw the Roturua bobbling mud pools and natural spa.
The next stop was the small village of Waitomo. This is where we were to do black water rafting, for those not in the know, black water rafting is caving and tubing down rivers underground in glwoworm caves. Although there is no such thing as a glow worm. They are glowing maggots that fuck to death, and I am not kidding. But glowwrom sounds nicer for the old people. We abseiled underground into the freezing waters. It was bloody brilliant, I have caved at home but this was more extreme. 10 meter free falls into the icy water in the pitch black and also elles as big as my thigh swimming past and occasionally taking a nip at you. There was a zip line and the water was bloody freezing, the cold was penetrating. It was great fun and our little group always stopped to have water fights and piss in our wetsuits to warm up.
That evening was spent at the hostel drinking beers, when suddenyl a Jack Russell ran into the room!!!!!! Later on the very same dog got in soemhow and jumped into bed with Mike. The evening we acted like little school kids and kept locking people out of their rooms in their pants and we also drew on this guy who had the shittest beard I have ever seen, it was just under his chin so while he slept I drew where his moustache failed to grow!!! Everytime we saw him after that we abused him something crionic.
Then as we left sleepy Waitomo we discovered the weirdest place in the world. A rabbit shearing shop. It was either quite amusing or disturbing I cant decide which. Well basically they get this massive white uber fluffy rabbit and put its arms and legs in clamps and stretch the little thing out. Then they shave it. The poor thing is terrified, but the old ladies doign it are rather sadistic!! I couldnt help myself but laugh out loud and question the lady abiout whether the rabbit was the one from Monty Pythin and the Holy Grail!!!! Oh the scowl I got!!!
Next stop Lake Taupo. But this is where the weather took a turn for the worst! The heavens opened and the rain pummelled us. Therefore the next days activities were cancelled except the skydives, but I had done one of them 5 years ago inAustralia so did want to do another. But I dod want to do the Tongoriro crossing accross the volcanic l;andscape. But the winds were too high so the buses there were not running!!!
On the way to Taupo we stopped by Huka falls and then proceeded to have a massive night out. We could go all out no stops tonight as we had the rarety of a free day to sleep in tomorrow.
So off we went to get drunken, then I was attacked!! Yep I was jumped by some drunk. But this drunk jumped me in the hostel and guess what, he bloody worked there!!!!! The staff came running out as he had his hand around my fist and Zee German Johan came wading in. Oh how apologetic they were. I still dont have a clue why he attacked me, but I think it was because I was the smallest target as I was waling with the bigger lads!!!!! Anyway tio butter me up and Johan (my hero) we got free beers all night the next day. But then they went back on their promise as we were and I quote' drinking far to much for them to be able to supply us'!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway no harm was done and we spent a qualtiy evening out in Lake Taupo.
The next day 3 of us decided to hire mountain bikers and bike it back up to Huka falls using the dirts tarcks and try to amke it to the craters of the moon. We also encountered many hot springs and went for a little dip! On the way back Taupo and its majestic lake was immersed in the biggest rainbow I had ever seen.
We left Taupo and travelled off road to River valley. Here we stayed in some wooden lodge and got hammrede. That nigth jo one was safe as I had found a permanetn maker and I also got attacked by a cat that evening. We were all staying in these massive beds and so bundles galore ensude and when in the morning most people woke up and I had drawn massive mounsahces on them or given them Maori pattersn on their faces!!! Oh how drunk we were. Oh as we jumped from the top bunks onto the floor the glasses int he bar beneath fell and smashed, I think we broke the world glass smashing record!
The next day I though I was gouing to die of hyperthermia. This was because the six of us plus Dave from leeds went white water rafting. Oh the water was like ice needles penetrating your skin, when your head got ducked under it felt like the ice cream and slush puppy brain freezes you get when eating or drinking them too fast.
We hurtled down this river and everyone fell in, well everyone bar me, although Johan went beserk and bundled me in 3 times and I was shaking for an hours aftre. There were two rafts and many a time we had to suddely fish soemone out before we hurled downt he rapids with the dead cows who had fallen fromt he hill side as they loked at this strange new thing calleda raft going by!!!! I have never been so cold ina ll my life, but I loved it so much. it was great fun. I spent at least an hour in the shower waiting dfor my willy to get back to normal size!!!!!
Then on to Wellington and this would be our last night out as a group. I will miss the bus, they are going to have so much fun and travel down south and do all which I have done. Oh I wish I was with that grioup from the start. I felt like crying on our last night out as we took the Capital city by storm.
The next morning as I waved them off I suddenyl got the last laughon Johan who in the night chucked a cold water bucket all over me in bed!!! I stood wavign a I love you Johan sign which I made using an old towel!!!
It was such a shame that we are all splitting up and I can hoenstly say it was one of the saddest momenst I have had while tarvelling as I stood there watchign their bus dissapear towards the inter island ferry. But hey, we are all going to have reunions one day!!!
Then I left Wellington by plane in the win ds and spent 45 minutes flying down to Christchurch, oh boring, boring Christchurch.
This is where I sit now typing this. Tomorrow it is back to Oz and then I have just 13 days left til I return home.
Home, what is home. It feels so long ago. But I look forward to seeing my family and friends. It is going to be an even bigger adventure than any of my tarvels. Tnhis new adventure is all grown up and called jobs and real life. f%$k me what am ever I to do!!!!!!!!!
As I worry about the future I will leave you all for now. I am off to Miss my bus and pine for Johan!!!!!!!

Cheerio all, for soon I may be seeing you in the flesh!

Hai konei rā ki nga whaiāipo katoa, he tino roa pea te wā e ngaro atu ana mātau. (Translate that!)